Feelings

[Sola]

Frost 65 4622

Luna sent a letter to Ivar’s workplace that read:

“Dear Ivar,

I know we’ve only known each other for a few short months, but I have some news that I’d like to share with you. It’s a personal matter that I won’t put into writing. If you’ve time, please swing by.”

She had a feeling that he would come, but she didn’t know when. She tried to make it sound urgent, but not so urgent that it warranted immediate attention. She had time before her plans moved forwards, after all. He was about one of two people she intended to write to, and the other was one she wouldn’t write to until later. She didn’t want them to show up when she was in this state. Her letter to that person would be more of an explanation more than anything. No, there was only one person she wanted to see right now.

Luna was not in a happy state of mind at the time. She was frustrated and sad. She had such high hopes for starting a life in Radenor but things just weren’t going the way she’d planned. All she’d accomplished was having a lot of sex. She’d earned a good amount of money, but it wasn’t like she had made any progress in life. She was more or less the same woman she was when she came to this city. This wasn’t the life she’d wanted, nor the one she thought she’d have here. She wanted very much to leave.

Luna looked around at her stuff. Most of it was already packed up into neat piles. Some of it would have to be sold with the home, but things like her clothes and longbow were obviously going to be coming with her.

[Ivar]

Ivar was hard at work. He was helping with a customer at the clock shop when he saw a courier come in. He was expecting some business correspondence but instead he got a letter with familiar script.

Ivar was surprised to get a letter from Luna. It seemed urgent. He was expecting her to ask for his help again eventually so he thought that's what she wanted. He quickly opened the letter and read it. It was a brief message, but it said a lot. Luna needed his help right away. She said she was in trouble and needed him to come and save her.

“Something has come up. I will be gone for the day”

He was aware that his colleagues would likely be displeased with his decision to take time off, but he was determined to go through with it regardless of their reaction. He was confident that they would eventually come to terms with it.

Ivar was shocked that he was doing this. He had no idea what kind of trouble Luna could be in, but he knew he had to help her. He quickly packed his things away at work and set off to find her. When he arrived at her home, he knocked on the door.

“It’s me, Ivar.”

Ivar did not know what was wrong but he was determined to help her. He peeked in through the window to see that things were being arranged in a certain way. He did not know for what reason though.

[Sola]

Luna opened the door slowly. Her curtains were all closed and it was dim in her home. If Ivar came inside, she’d quickly close the door behind him and offer him a seat at her kitchen table. She would say, “thanks for coming. There’s something I wanted to tell you. You’re the closest friend I’ve made since I moved to Radenor and… well… There’s no easy way to say this, but I’m moving. It’s been fun and all staying in Tilema but…”

She shed a tear and wiped it hurriedly. She still feared the potential repercussions for what she was about to say but now was a time to be brave, not scared. She looked him in the eye and said, “I’m a mage. There I said it.” She paused and let it sink in then said, “I thought I could hide it and fuck, I guess I have hidden it well enough seeing as though nobody’s locked me up in that tower yet. But I don’t think I can spend every day of my life scared that I’ll get caught. In just one season multiple people have learned that I’m a mage. I just can’t see things ending well for me if I stay here.”

The purple of her nerocrux glowed slightly through her eyes. It was barely noticeable but perhaps Ivar could notice. She held out a hand and slightly visible tethers would dance from her fingertips, to show him that she was a mage. She didn’t know how Ivar would react. She just knew it felt good to tell someone she had a relationship with about her powers.

[Ivar]

Ivar was dumbstruck. A mage. He had not even considered that for one second. He did not even believe her until she started to demonstrate her power. Many different things went through his head. He had so many questions. Did she use her magic on him? It would explain how he felt about her.

Should he go to the authorities? He hated mages just as much as anyone else around. They were tools. Subhuman. It was easy to see them like this when he did not have to interact with them. He had seen them doing work now and then. That was all.

Most of what the woman said went in one ear and out the other. She was talking about moving, being scared. Ivar focused solely on the magic. On the purple energy inching towards him. He looked at the door. He thought of running. He looked back at her.

“I won’t tell anyone. Just don’t hurt me. If you care about your well being then you will leave as soon as possible.”

He sounded nervous. He did not even know the name of a raw or world magic so he did not know what the purple stuff was. It looked strange like it was distorting space. But it did not touch him. He knew that Luna was just showing him and not threatening him.

The more he realized this the more he calmed down. He thought about all the naughty things they’d done together. If she wanted to hurt him she could have done so many times before. Fear turned to curiosity.

“How have you stayed hidden? What can you do? Have you killed anyone?”

He wanted to ask so much. A person in radenor did not often get to speak to a mage like this. If she was leaving then this might be their last conversation.

[Sola]

Luna was taken aback by Ivar’s words. She said, “of course I’m not going to hurt you. And yes, I will leave soon. To where, I’m not certain but I’m packing up as you can see. I could leave in just a few days and I’ve already spoken to someone who is willing to buy my house.” It hadn’t been all that difficult to arrange to move. It was easy to do when she didn’t have any attachments to the city.

She examined his expression. She hadn’t known what to expect so she wasn’t exactly surprised to see his confusion and nervousness. Thankfully he’d calmed down enough to ask her a few more questions. Luna thought for a moment and then said, “I’ve been very careful. The magic I use is easy to hide, some of the time. It deals with the mind. I can make people happy, or sad. I can even move things with my mind. I’ve never used it on you though. I swear it.” She wanted to though. She wanted to look into his mural and see what he was feeling.

Luna was trying her best not to break down and cry. Some tears flowed but she still wanted to be on her guard. She half expected Ivar to lash out at her at any moment and was ready to fight if it came down to it. She hoped he would recognize that she was being sincere. “So, what are your thoughts? If you wanted to hate me now I wouldn’t blame you. I just had to get this off my chest.” Luna was expressing regret and remorse for not being able to tell him before. She was acknowledging that the person she was speaking to may be angry with her, but she felt it was important to express her feelings before she left.

[Ivar]

The purple lines were a new sight for Ivar. He had never seen any sort of magic that did anything like that. He didn’t know what to think of them. He supposed he had no choice but to believe her. His trained fear of mages told him that she could probably rip him apart if she so wanted to, even if she did look nonthreatening.

“You scare me. But I will not hate you. Thank you for telling me all this. But you cannot stay. I care about your wellbeing. If they caught you and did something to you I would never forgive myself.”

Ivar was not a crying sort of guy. He felt sadness but he kept things simple. Luna needed to go. He wanted to be with her. So that meant they both had to go. So, Ivar imagined packing his things and leaving this place he had grown up in. Could he head towards a new life, traveled together and more, he had no idea. The journey was sure to be hard, but if they managed to make it through he could see himself with Luna in the end. Together, forever.

He held his tongue about that for now. They had more important things to discuss. Ivar's difficulty in expressing his true feelings of love was caused by a number of different factors. He felt too anxious or insecure to express his feelings openly. He feared furthur rejection and worried about how Luna will respond. It could also be that Ivar has never felt comfortable with communicating his emotions, instead choosing to keep them hidden.

“Where will you go? I have not travelled abroad so I cannot give recommendations. But I think that it will be good for you to go to Daravin. Magic is not so bad there if I am not mistaken.”

[Sola]

Luna was overwhelmed with emotion when Ivar expressed his care and support. She had been struggling with the situation she was in and feeling isolated and helpless, so to hear from someone that they cared was a huge relief. Ivar's kindness and understanding was a balm to her soul, and she was grateful for his presence and support.

Luna said, “my mother had a friend that lives in the town of Lorien. She is kind and generous, and I believe I could stay with her until I am able to get back on my feet and find a stable place to live. I would be grateful for her hospitality and would make sure to repay her kindness in any way I can.” She was perhaps giving the friend too much credit. It had been clear that the woman hadn’t wanted to associate much with Luna, especially after knowing that someone had killed Luna’s parents.

Luna felt a deep connection to Lorien, even though it was far from the perfect home she had always dreamed of. The winter wonderland was a paradise compared to some of the oppressive and dangerous places she had seen before, and she was grateful for the safety it offered her. She no longer had to worry about being enslaved or exploited, and she was able to find solace and security in Lorien.

“Daravin is… it’s a place where they respect mages but my kind of magic is fearful and secretive. It is not something I would advertise, even there.” Luna eyed the tethers that had protruded from her fingertips. They inched forwards towards Ivar and she lacked the willpower to stop them. She eyed Ivar, wondering if he would even notice if she touched him with them. If he didn’t move, the tethers would no doubt make their way up his body until they connected to his brain.

[Ivar]

Ivar only flinched once when the strange magical purple lines started to connect to his body and snake their way up to his brain. It was painless. In fact, he didn't feel anything at all. He hazarded a guess that the magical purple lines were doing something inside of him, but what he had no clue.

Even though the magical tether did nothing to him, he couldn't help but feel like they were affecting him somehow. He wanted to explore the tether further and find out what it was, but at the same time he was scared of what he might discover. He took a deep breath and steeled himself for whatever he was about to find. He stepped closer to the tether and began to examine it more closely.

His instinct warned not to tamper with the tether, but he couldn't help himself. He slowly moved his hand around the energy. It was exhilarating, and he knew he had to find out more.

“You said you can make me happy. Do it.”

He could not think about Lorien, Daravin, it was all inconsequential. He knew what he wanted. Happiness. It sounded too good to be true. His morbid curiosity was overwhelming.

“If you want me to truly trust and have faith in what you are telling me, then you will take the necessary steps to prove it to me.”

Ivar was filled with a sense of guilt and unease for allowing this magical energy to flow through him. He had never experienced anything like it before and it was both exhilarating and terrifying. He had a feeling that what he was doing was wrong and it made him feel ashamed. He was not sure if he should continue, but he could not seem to stop himself.

[Sola]

Luna was surprised that Ivar wanted her to use magic on him. It was not something that she thought anyone in Radenor would want done, but she presumed that he liked the idea of feeling happy. So, she peered into his mural and began to channel her magical energies into him. She imagined a warm, comforting light wrapped around him, like a hug, and focused her energy on the tether, sending it through the link like a gentle wave. She imagined a peaceful, calming atmosphere and a sense of contentment, hoping the feelings would be transferred through the ether and reach the other side. As she continued to send her energy, she silently prayed that it would bring him some measure of comfort and joy.

Luna smiled encouragingly at him, her eyes twinkling with understanding. "Think of a special moment you had with your family," she suggested. "Maybe it was a birthday or a holiday celebration. Focus on the laughter, the conversations, and the joy that surrounded you. Feel it in your heart, and allow yourself to be filled with happiness." She paused, allowing her words to sink in. "Now, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Feel the happiness wash over you. Let it fill your body and soul until you feel completely content."

The mage had no intention of straining herself. Gods knew she had already used enough magic in the season. She intended for him to get a taste of happiness then sever the connection entirely. When the experience was over she’d say, “I think that’s enough for today. Well, now you know my secret. If you take anything away from this you should know that mages are just people. They shouldn’t be treated like slaves like they do in that tower.” She meant what she said too. She hoped Ivar would become a more sensible individual after today.

[Ivar]

Ivar followed Luna's instructions. She'd told him to think happy thoughts so he did. He thought of lording over a legion of slaves and having every whim attended to by a beautiful woman.

Ivar smiled to himself and imagined himself living in a palace with luxurious furnishings, where servants would cater to his every need. He would have exotic dishes and drinks served to him, and be surrounded by beautiful women who would shower him with compliments and devotion.

“I am thinking happy thoughts”

While he thought, he felt himself become happy. He would hold court and listen to his courtiers' tales and watch musicians and performers entertain him, and have his own private library filled with the finest books. He would wear the finest clothes, made of the most expensive fabrics, and have a wardrobe of jewels and gold that he would be able to wear for any occasion. He would have the best of everything and be the envy of everyone.

The happiness was short lived. The happiness had felt unnatural but it had still felt good. He welcomed it and wanted more. Luna did not think it was wise to continue but he respected that.

In a moment of clarity, Ivar knew what he wanted. He wanted to be with Luna so she could make him happy like that again. He wanted to get the power to do that to others. All of that was impossible if Luna left him alone.

“Let us go to Daravin, together. I will leave behind everything. There is not much for me here. Think about it.”

He then left in a hurry. He did not want to sit around and listen to her arguments. He had a home to sell. Even if Luna did not come with him, he got his taste of power and he wanted more. He could see himself a powerful mage. Even after the happiness faded he held a memory of how he had felt. It fueled him.