Placement

[Hakon]

"You're a more compassionate soul than me, Vivian," Hakon said with no small amount of fondness. "You hear this story and think only of how the people in them must have felt, and seek to a way for them to reconcile. I think that's quite admirable."

His own mind did not work that way. Vivian no doubt knew that already, but the lad had little idea how much their perspectives on redemption and reconciliation diverged, and Hakon felt no need to bring it up. They were getting along reasonably well, and to do so would only drive a wedge. Vivian was not a suitable candidate for the Endornotkun, and likely never would be. That did not mean Hakon did not care for the Malformist's development and happiness, though. It was nice to see him take an interest, even if they were different.

Uncharacteristically for Hakon, he extended a hand for Vivian to hold if the other man wanted. Vivian had done it often enough that perhaps it was rubbing off, and he didn't like seeing him in distress.

"You have not failed in your mission to find the father of your child," he corrected Vivian. "You have just not succeeded yet. You're a Novus in the Guild, now, and the Guild should make an effort to assist you. Surely your Warden has taken your description of this Alistair and has contacted all the other Guilds across the Four Kingdoms? Placement of children is something we take seriously, here. Kids should be with their parents, when possible. You may be a mage and ineligible, but perhaps the father can give your child a home. If he is here, we can look for him and let him know that his joy has come due."

He looked at Vivian, not quite knowing how to ask the next question.

"Forgive me if this sounds rude, but is there any chance Alistair is simply unaware of your... state? Were I to lie with a man, I would not imagine that this would be a consequence of such an act. And, please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you to be a man despite your current state and penchant for cosmetics and the like -- was this Alistair's understanding, as well? If so, he may just not know that he is about to be a father. I'm sure he would not simply sire a child and then leave no forwarding address," Hakon hastened to reassure, although in truth he was aware that men did that with some regularity.

He could not comprehend that in the slightest. Having a family was the greatest gift in life. Alistair, wherever he was, was lucky that he was about to have a child, and Hakon hoped that they could find him in time.

[Vivian]

To have Hakon extend a hand to him surprised Vivian. He took it gingerly, enfolding the warrior’s strong hand in his own delicate ones. He knew they were coming at the search from different perspectives. Hakon wanted to find Alistair under the impression that he could keep Vivian chained there and send the babe to his lover. Gods knew Alistair wasn’t equipped to be a single father; the man was a Corvo. A squalling babe would cramp him. Not to mention the difficulties of finding a wet nurse. Alistair was a noble, but an exiled one at that. Would the Guild be so eager if they knew he was a mage?

To the questions, he shook his head. “I haven’t spoken much with my…Warden. He gives me my work assignments and shoves me off, and I don’t like the man.” He muttered. That was true. Clearly, his condition disturbed his Warden and the two of them had, silently, agreed to interact as little as possible. “I do want to find Alistair, and make sure his son is with him.”

Did Alistair know he was pregnant? The thought made him laugh, shaking him out of the dark thoughts for a moment. “I…well, I suppose I should be honest. When I mutated, I began cycling very much like a female invertebrate. I didn’t notice the change until I’d seduced him, and by that time my body was responding to the presence of a powerful man. We may have been a bit swept up in it, but it was something we both wanted. That was when we made the arrangement to wed, but we agreed to separate to work on finding funds to build a home.”

Vivian snorted. “You can see how that worked out. Not well enough in my favor.” He squeezed Hakon’s hand reassuringly. “I…also wanted to remove a few books from the library with your permission. I like to read, and I still enjoy studying Malformity. I’d like to continue my studies and the books in my possession I’ve practically memorized.”

He would have to time the Ascension just right. There were older books in the Guild library that described the cult of Azunath. He’d have to perform the ritual under the guise of meditation, or connection with his magic.

[Hakon]

Hakon squeezed Vivian's hand, making sure to be gentle while he did so. He had little practice in touching someone to comfort them. Usually if he was gripping someone's hand, he was about to break their finger. So this was like that, but perhaps the opposite. He tried stroking Vivian's palms with his fingers. That would feel nice, wouldn't it?

It wasn't just touch, though. He had to focus on listening, too, and that was not easy because he got uncharacteristically distracted by something Vivian had said. The man's body had reacted to Alistair because he was a powerful man -- he was tempted to ask what that entailed. What kind of power did a man possess that it had triggered this response in Vivian? Mutations or no, it spoke to there being some kind of spiritual connection between the two, and it interested him. He knew better than to ask, though. It could be painful for Vivian if he probed, and it would not help the Malformist's current predicament.

"His discomfort or disgust with your, ah, state," Hakon said, clearly also still not comfortable, "shouldn't matter. He's your Warden, not a shy little schoolboy. He should be doing his utmost for you, because it is his duty. If he isn't because he's uncomfortable, he is derelict in his obligation to you as his charge. I will speak to him and remind him he has a duty to aid you in finding the father of your child."

"As for the books, is there a reason you cannot read them in the library? I'm no great fan of the place -- too many idlers -- but I brave it as and when I need to read something. Checking out books is a privilege that you will unlock with time, and in the meantime, there are few books on Malformity that should be barred for you. Has someone gottten in your way there, too?"

The thought made him angry. Vivian was strange, both visually and psychologically, but he was kind, and compassionate, and a friendly enough sort beneath the makeup and attitude and lewd remarks. The idea that people may not be giving the Malformist a chance to make their acquaintance because of appearances bothered him.

[Vivian]

Vivian squeezed Hakon’s hand back, and entangled his fingers in the other mage’s. Hakon was trying, and he smiled at him charitably. “I don’t much blame him.” He reassured Hakon. “It’s a strange thing to adjust to. Even you aren’t comfortable with it. You can say it. I’m pregnant. Not in a state.” He was teasing, but he understood. Men were strange around pregnant women, let alone a pregnant man.

“I could use your help finding Alistair… if only a stern word to the Warden.” Vivian brought Hakon’s hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles as a thank you. He settled back and shrugged when Hakon pointed out the Library. He needed privacy. If he was going to study the rituals he needed time, and space to meditate on them properly.

“Meditating on my magic deserves respect…quiet.” Vivian said awkwardly. “No one respects the sanctity of the library. It’s perfectly fine when people play games and things, and I’m only reading for pleasure but my magic needs respect. They’re loud, and I can’t concentrate. If I’m going to educate myself, I need quiet.”

Vivian sighed, and shook his head. “I’ve asked for quiet a few times and it seems they’re about as friendly to that idea as they are to me being pregnant. I wanted to celebrate this.” He had heard stories of people getting together and starting parties for births. He had always liked the idea, and had a small dream of celebrating with Alistair. Nothing fancy, perhaps a little wine and dinner. “No matter. I’m used to being regarded as an annoyance.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Could I read here with you? Perhaps it would be more permitted if I had someone of a higher rank monitoring it? Your room is quiet, or you could come to mine and we could study together.” Vivian offered. “Or is there somewhere I can read Azunath’s guidance without people nattering away?”

[Hakon]

Hakon felt his face grow warm at the kiss. Vivian clearly hadn't meant it in a sexual or flirtatious way; the lad was just being appreciative and friendly. The spot in his chest felt warm again, too. He couldn't quite place why that was, but he liked feeling this way.

He liked the idea of being stern with Vivian's Warden. He'd never liked the man. He'd been a whiny shit back when he was just a Magus, always griping that things should be easier for mages and they should have less things to do every day so they could focus on learning magic, and evidently that attitude translated to him being lazy in his current position. Hakon was less surprised than he'd like to be at that revelation. Plenty of the people who had gone on to be in charge of the Novus in their tower were, in his opinion, soft, undisciplined toward their duties, and lax in what duties they deigned to grace with any effort at all.

"I apologize, Vivian, for making you feel as though I am ashamed about your--" he had to consciously make himself say the word: "your pregnancy. While I will admit it is partially odd for me due to it being fostered by a magical mutation, it is also just that this is the most contact I've ever had with someone in such a condition. Women get pregnant here, from time to time, but when that happens they are surrounded by those who have experience from their pre-Guild lives with pregnancy and motherhood. I do not have any such experience, so if you notice that I am uncomfortable with this, that may be part of it. This is something I know little about. My ignorance embarrasses me."

"As for your education -- if it's for the Path, I think the best place to do so would be the Chapel. I'm happy to check the books out for a session and meet you there. I realize it's not being out in actual nature, but it's a quiet, contemplative space within the tower and people are more respectful of requests to keep their voices down there. If your sort of meditation requires the use of magic, though, please let me know -- let me know what to expect, if you would be so good -- and we can meet in an unused Arcanum, instead." That was as close as he'd get to addressing the incident that had happened last time they were in an Arcanum alone. Vivian hadn't meant him harm, though. He knew that to be true.

For all that they were quite different in many ways, he felt to his surprise that there was more common ground than maybe he'd realized. At the very least, Vivian had a golden opportunity to join with the other mages, and then had come back to socialize with him anyhow. True, it was because the man needed his help with things like bullying his Warden into doing his job and checking out books, but he could have found other ways to do things. That he came back at all was unusual, if not almost unprecedented.

[Vivian]

“It’s alright to be ignorant of something.” Vivian shrugged. “Just don’t let it turn into fear. It’s…like any other pregnancy. I dealt with it a lot when I was still at the brothel. Some evil men found it funny to create bastards on unfortunate girls they’d never see again, and herbs didn’t always work. I think it’s good for both me and you to see what the other sex goes through. I have to admit…I’m terrified of what’s to come. There are so many things that can go wrong.”

He had tried not to think about it, but he knew so many bad situations from his time on the streets. Girls squatting in alleyways only to discover their child had a cord wrapped around its throat and died before they could seek help. Babies getting stuck, or freezing to death, or not coming out right. Alistair had told him about his estate, but Vivian didn’t have an address. He’d wanted to have his child there, in comfort and safety and presumably with a doctor around. That fantasy was becoming more and more ridiculous. He pushed those thoughts away. No use worrying about it now.

“Please. It’s important we find the boy’s father. I can’t have him thinking I abandoned him in some orphanage. I want this baby to have what I didn’t have; more than just three meals a day and less hitting. Toys, and books, and knowing things like mathematics. I want him away from this terrible world until he’s strong enough to confront it.” Vivian said softly.

He had to admit he was taken aback by Hakon’s offer to meditate with him again. Vivian blinked. “I…yes, I’d like to join you in the Chapel. There are two of the oldest Malformity books that I’d like to study; On The Way of Cults and Madness in Nature. As for meditation, I feel closest to Azunath is doing what…we did before.” He said quietly. “Azunath is the Living God of change, and shifting nature. To be close to him is to lose oneself in flesh, muscle, and bone. Your breathing, little changes in the surface of your skin, the way you relaxed when I touched you. That’s all change, millions of tiny chaotic changes in your biology. The more I touched you, the closer I felt to Azunath. Or…the Path I suppose. Now that I have a name for it.” Vivian smirked.

“You’d be willing to try it again? I will never hurt you. I can promise you that. It’s also best if there’s no clothing…just as nature made you, but I wasn’t willing to force you into that. I know this place values modesty. Azunath isn’t modest. Nature conducts itself as it pleases, regardless of whether people are comfortable with it. It’s alright if you’re not comfortable. Of all the Living Gods, Azunath is one of the hardest to get to know. Maybe it would be good for you?” The Malformist smiled.

Oh, he could see how that gentle kiss had added a tinge to Hakon’s cheeks. The meditation was honest. He did feel closer to his magic and his god doing it. But when he had felt closest was when Alistair had been entwined around him. He liked the idea of Hakon shivering at soft touches to his bare inner thighs and hips. Vivian wouldn’t dare touch him, not where he wanted to, but a good sex worker never needed to do more than breathe on a cock if he played his cards right.

[Hakon]

Hakon had a vague idea of the complications involved in pregnancy and a vaguer still idea about birth, but he hoped that Vivian was plumbed differently than he had been imagining heretofore, or he wasn't sure how the baby would come forth. Erupt, perhaps, would be a better word, he thought with a suppressed shudder.

"I am glad you feel this experience has been valuable," he said, pleased with Vivian's pragmatism toward what many would have felt was a curse. "If you wish to simply read, reflect, and meditate, the Chapel will do quite nicely. I customarily spend hours in there meditating. If," he said in the carefully stilted tones of someone who always adheres to the rules exposing a technicality within them, "you require these texts for you to be able to do the same, I am happy to assist in your spiritual journey, Novus."

"If what you seek is a bit more, ah, involved, we can re-enter the Arcanum. In that capacity, though, I cannot volunteer to be an active participant, I'm afraid. I do not wish to tell you not to use something granted by Azunath to meditate on his contributions to the Path, but I cannot be party to it. I can supervise you within the room during your meditation, just as we would in the Chapel, but nothing more. You may disrobe if you wish, but I will remain clothed and supervise you. It is my hope that this is acceptable."

Hakon was not known to be a compromising man, but in truth, few people ever tried. They understood who he was and found like minds elsewhere in the tower. While he had a reputation for pigheaded adherence to the rules above all else, Vivian seemed to have found a path to him beginning to offer something other than absolutes. If probed Hakon would not be able to say why, exactly, this was his boundary. It was not against the rules for a Malformist to practice Malformity in the Arcanum, nor was it against the rules for two mages to touch one another. Something about it, though -- it was too much. Too much what he couldn't articulate, but thinking about doing it again made his heart hammer in his chest. Far easier to face rogues in battle than something like this.

[Vivian]

Vivian smiled. “Of course. I’ll happily meet you in the Chapel. If you like…we could go now? I wouldn’t mind some quiet reading. Or if you like we can go meditate in the Arcanum. I don’t mind you supervising. It’s my hope you’ll open yourself to Azunath’s will eventually, but it’s never my intent to force you.” He said kindly. Clearly, it had been far too much for Hakon and he had withdrawn violently. He wasn’t given to displays of fetish or giving in to what his body wanted. That gave Vivian a baseline. That little touch on his hand, kissing his fingers. He had to start slowly.

The Chapel would be less private than he wanted. Hakon might also encounter superiors there, and need to put on a display. No, if he wanted Hakon to relax, and bond with him, he needed somewhere private. He ran a hand over the bedsheets. “The Chapel might be a bit uncomfortable. What if we read here? We could curl up, I wouldn’t have to sit in a pew or kneel…it’s not as easy to get up like that in my condition.” Vivian said. Just a clothed cuddle in the bed, with Hakon in close proximity. Maybe they’re feet touching, the child between them...yes, that would do nicely.

Vivian raised an eyebrow at Hakon. Hopefully he would take the bait. If he could get the man thinking of intimacy, and family, he could start eroding those walls a little. He was lucky he didn’t have pheromones to deal with, even if he could influence the man with the organs tucked away in his throat. That would scare him, and shatter his trust, and Vivian didn’t have time to rebuild it. He had to rely on his wits and seduction. Gods, it had been a while since he’d been laid. He could imagine this sweet virgin giving in, especially if Vivian was in heat.

He cleared his throat. “We’d be clothed. Just reading, nothing like my sort of meditation. More study, but I find study more enjoyable with a companion.” He clarified.

[Hakon]

"If you wish to study with the Spider and have the same people you were making overtures to after our last interaction turn their idle tongues to you, I will not stop you," Hakon said, using the derogatory name they'd made up for him years ago. Curiously, though he brought it up, he did not sound upset. If was more as though he were warning Vivian that there would be social consequences for their continued association.

Besides, he didn't mind the nickname. As Vivian had said earlier in their acquaintance, spiders had a lot to recommend to them. That had not been on the mind of would-be tormentors when they'd chosen the name for him, however. Apparently, despite his height he had a habit of skulking about unnoticed, like a spider in a web. He'd tried being louder and more purposeful in his movements, but then they'd just called him an oaf, instead, so he'd given up. There was no pleasing those people, and there was no way they would ever be his friend unless he changed his mind about more or less everything he'd believed. Besides, he'd found his people eventually. It had just taken longer, and had led to some challenging middle years. No matter, as it had allowed him to focus on his skills.

"If you wish to begin immediately, Vivian, I can retrieve the books for you now -- no need to trouble yourself to accompany me. You must have -- ah, aches, and the like -- from the child, and such," Hakon said, flexing an underused muscle: perspective taking for the problems of someone else. Provided that Vivian assented, Hakon would depart, leaving the Malformist alone in his room for a small span of minutes while he retrieved the books in question.

[Vivian]

Vivian gave him a sad look. “They really have bullied you, haven’t they? The others.” He said with a sigh. “Well, the best knives are sharpened in darkness or so they say. Besides, if they’re so willing to start talking about me behind my back why would I want them as friends? They’re just trapped, and bored, and resentful. Reminds me a bit of the prostitutes who were sold to brothels back home. Chips on their shoulders.”

Still, it was rather sweet of Hakon to save him the trip. Vivian nodded, and laid in Hakon’s bed to wait for him to come back. He settled on his side, making himself comfortable. Of course…Hakon would smell him when he went to sleep. Vivian chuckled, and an idea struck him. Harmless, really. He waited until he heard Hakon’s footsteps die away, and opened his mouth. There was no ether to be detected; these organs were as natural to him now as though he’d been born with him. They unfurled from behind his tonsils, engorging with blood and filling the air around Vivian with pheromones. They were grey and Y shaped, using body heat from his blood to evaporate chemicals into the air. Vivian’s eyes fluttered back into his head, thoughts of Alistair swimming to him.

Vivian sharply held his breath. He couldn’t get lost here. He just wanted to leave a little brush of pheromones in Hakon’s bed, and if he was huffing his own supply he didn’t fancy the state he’d be in when Hakon returned. He lifted his hand, and pinched one of the curling structures. It recoiled, and his eyes watered as they deflated. Gods, they were sensitive! It hurt like someone had punched him in the mouth. He swallowed roughly, and took a deep breath.

There. Now when Hakon slept, a familiar scent would linger. Something wild, urging Hakon to touch him. Perhaps give him some very interesting dreams. He swallowed again and rubbed his throat, coughing. Right. Now all he had to do was get information on that ritual.

Vivian closed his eyes, dozing while he waited for Hakon. He stretched out in his sleep, hip cocked in a rather feminine manner, hands curled near his face.