Encumbrance Pt. II

[Zilrud]

Zilrud did things that were foreign to many people, and he never bothered to explain the meanings behind anything most of the time. There was no point in wasting the words on it. People either got it or they did not. Thomas’s remark about humans doing strange things earned a glance from the man as he spoke and took a seat on the steps and seemed to contemplate something. Zil had been about to go inside since that was where Thomas enjoyed being, but when the man chose to sit, the Ork’s red gaze remained on the door, even if his head was tilted slightly to offer a pointed ear in Thomas’s direction.

The human’s confession had Zilrud’s eyes sliding over the door for a long moment, studying it as if looking for an answer to a question he had posed to himself internally. Not that Thomas could see it, but the Ork had made a resignation to himself, and his muscular shoulders slumped just barely. With the boy sitting on the steps, facing away from him, Zilrud turned around and shuffled for a moment. Before long, Thomas’s view would be obscured, and a new weight would fall atop him, accompanied by softness and warmth. The Orkhai had removed the robe he had been wearing and haphazardly dropped and draped it around Thomas. The robe was warmed with the Orkhai’s warmed body, smelt fresh of chopped wood and the elements, but it also smelt of the Orkhai, both his natural musk and a bit of the infectious odor that permeated out of his pores while he had been recuperating in the first few days.

In silence, Zil turned around and took a seat on the stairs, which made the Orkhai look ridiculous. In a pair of shorts, his hulking mass attempting to fit himself into the steps dwarfed them by quite a bit. At first, he said nothing and joined Thomas in that offered silence, staring off in the opposite direction of the human. He was trying to think of something to say that sounded more humanized, and caring, which was difficult for the Orkhai, regardless of being around them for so long at the present.

“You are happy in your large brick house. You like the soft things other humans like. You have your soft beds and people who work for you. I have seen it. You look happy.”

Zil had paused there, trying to finish wording the rest of his response in his head, and it did not work out as well as he was trying to make it work.

“Your mate cares for you enough to let a flesh-eating, murderous beast in his house. We rape, murder, and eat our enemies without a single thought. He should look at me the way he does.” Zilrud had brought that up for a reason, and it wasn’t to talk about himself. It was to acknowledge something he felt that Thomas might have been feeling. And that was when Thomas would feel it. A thunking tap on the top of his head as Zilrud’s fingertip and nail tapped a bit harshly to the boy’s head.

“Stop using this. This is not good for the soul. Think with this.”

Lifting his hand, the bulkier, green arm slid over the male’s shoulder and clapped his hand flatly at the male's shirt-covered chest, sliding his hand inside the coat's opening and applying pressure. “This is who you are. What is it telling you?”

Once his question had been asked, the Ork, who apparently had no concept of personal space, withdrew his hand and rested it on his knee as he kept his gaze on Thomas for the time being.

[Thomas]

The orkhai was trying to comfort him. The robe was a bit ripe from having been worn for so long without a wash, and not all of the smells were entirely good. Thomas could have done without the lingering odor of disease, or of meat drippings and stale sweat. Even so, there was something reassuringly earthy about the smell of Zilrud permeating it and moreover, it no longer smelled like fresh Rienese laundry or of Taelian. In being draped over Zilrud for so long, the cloth had changed its allegiance. It also sorely needed a wash, but that discussion could wait.

For now, Thomas wrapped it tightly around him and leaned on the man who'd sat down next to him.

"Thanks," he said.

Zilrud was right that it wasn't all bad. He did like the house, and the soft things and the art and the food. He didn't like these particular servants, particularly, but they were good at their jobs and he had no intention of turning them out for failure to simper over him. At the slight thunk to the head, he smiled, though.

"It's been a long time since someone told me I should think less," he replied. "The feedback I've gotten all my life runs counter to tha--" he took in a breath at the feeling of the big green hand on his chest.

He brought up his own gloved hands and rested them over top the paw that had spread itself over his sternum, encouraging Zilrud to hold the touch.

"That I need to stop lying to myself about where I am, and what I'm doing," he said in close to a whisper. "And that if I'm going to stay as I am, I need to stop lying to myself about it, at least. That helps no one." And that maybe I shouldn't stay as I am. He couldn't say that part aloud, not yet. He wondered if it would be apparent while left unsaid.

[Zilrud]

The Orkhai had not counted on Thomas’s gloved hand coming to hold his hand to his chest. A questioning grunt left his throat as he realized the man had held it there, holding the touch, and it was awkward. Zilrud was not particularly affectionate in the way humans tended to be. So this touch was something he was not used to, be he semi-understood the idea of keeping the hand there, and it was not hurting Thomas nor Zilrud, so he had no qualms with it. The Ork did shake his head in a negative fashion, though.

“Do not make choices rashly. Orkhai does that, and it works. But we have also been fighting each other since we settled in Rokhan. Even Orkhai who do think mostly think of ways of dominating the other clans.” Not that he felt Thomas would go around murdering people, but he at least wanted him to understand one base thing above all else. “You are here for a reason, little one. Jaxkael rarely lets Orkhai know his plans for them. And I am here because of you. You are the first human who did not try to put me in a cage.”

This brought Zilrud to his next point, something he had been thinking about since his second day on the estate. “I am in your debt, whether you want it or not. My pride will not allow me to forget this debt I owe you… And I am almost better. Your mate will want me gone soon. So, little one. Your soul is not cold like the others. Don’t let what they want. turn it cold. Do what you want, even if it takes you many seasons to figure out what you want. Do what your soul wants you to do. From one old Orkhai who has lost his way to a soft little human accepting himself. You must live with what you become.”

Hopefully, the Orkhai’s words were not lost in his inability to tie his words together perfectly nor exactly to one human personification of an emotion or the other. Truth be told, this was the first conversation the Ork had with someone that wasn’t related to servitude in many years. Zil could remember the exact person he spoke to in the past that involved revealing any bit of himself, and before that, he had been at home in Rokhan. And for that reason alone, he was taking the time to make sure Thomas understood as much as the Orkhai could make him understand.

This was also why only after all of the words had been offered, Zilrud’s muscular green arm finally relaxed, placing a heavier weight on Thomas’s shoulder and allowing his hand to rest in the place it had pressed to. He did not need to say anything else. His point had been put across as plainly as he could make it.

[Thomas]

The thought of Zilrud leaving felt bad. Wrong. somehow. Which was ridiculous; Thomas couldn't very well keep the man here. He didn't belong in Lorien, and he had every reason to hate the country for the snowy prison it had been for him. Still, though -- he'd been told not to listen to his head, and his head was saying it was just fine that Zilrud would leave and they'd likely never see one another again. His heart was saying that they had some kind of connection, no matter how tenuous, and if he took no action and let the big orkhai walk off into the sunset with no way of ever contacting him again, he'd wonder after him for the rest of his days.

He let his hands fall to his sides but kept leaning on Zilrud's bulky shoulder. It made a nice pillow in a solid, leathery of way. Underneath the tough outer skin, though, he was warm and burly, and despite having butchered a tree for the better part of the morning he seemed none the worse for wear.

"I understand that you feel you owe me, and I will not insult you by insisting you do not. If you feel you do, I understand and accept. I want you to know, however, that you have the right idea, Zilrud. What I want you to do is figure out what you want to do now that you have your freedom. I'd like to accompany you through Lorien, as well. As a Celebrant, I can ensure that no one bothers you within Lorien's borders. That is, if you'll have me. Once we are to the border, though, I suppose I shall turn back, and you will move forward."

"Also, I do not doubt you would make a fearsome enemy, and I count myself lucky that we are not at odds. With that being said, you do yourself a disservice by not also mentioning how compassionate you are capable of being, and how kind. Orkhai are not only capable of brutality, and the idea that this is so is unjust."

But what are you going to do about it? Will you stick your neck out, or will you just complain? If you stick your neck out, are you ready to lose what you've tried to build here and to end up with nothing? Thomas rather wished he could stop listening to his heart, now that he'd started. It was asking him to do things that were much harder than what his head demanded, and what would he get in return? A cleaner conscience? A more authentic life? What did that matter if he ended up getting killed like so many would-be reformists before him?

[Zilrud]

When Thomas’s hands fell to his sides, Zilrud’s hand finally fell from pressing against the male’s chest, and he lifted his gaze to look out ahead of him while they both seemed to revel in the silence. What did he want to do? He knew what he wanted to do and just had to figure out how to do it. So when Thomas’s desire had been made known, the Ork didn’t bother to look up at the house, mostly because he did not care. It was Thomas’s choice to do what he wanted.

“I would like to return to Rokhan. I may not be welcomed in my clan anymore, but to feel the fields of Rokhan under my feet… I want to feel that again before I return my soul to Jaxkael.” With the comment about Zil moving forward and Thomas turning back, he snorted and looked up to the sky. “Do not move backward, Thomas. When you turn around at the border. Do not walk on the same tracks you made to get there. Walk outside them, making new tracks instead of retracing the old.”

Normally, you double up on your prints in the wild to avoid tracker issues. However, with Thomas’s situation, he needed to make new tracks rather than retracing everything that had been happening. The question of the Orkhai’s brutality was brought up. And in a sense, Thomas was correct. Orkhai were able to do more than murder, rape, and pillage. However, it was not something a human could understand without being exposed to the Orkish culture.

“Orkhai do not care what others think of them. That is why they do not bother others unless it is about territory or war.” But he understood Thomas’s point overall and watched him for a long moment. Thomas was thinking a lot, and the Orkhai was not going to interrupt him because he finally felt Thomas was listening to both his heart and his mind. As he got more comfortable on the steps, he looked back to the snow nearby and allowed his gaze to wander over it.

“If it is too dangerous before I leave Lorien… I will send you back so you are safe if it is not something I can deal with myself.” Thomas had not actually said he was going and Zilrud had not actually accepted the offer to join him on his venture back to Rokhan. Instead, he had chosen that Thomas was going, and even if Thomas turned down the offer to go in the end, he was still stating his intentions. “And if all else works, we will both have gained something when I leave.”

[Thomas]

Do not move backward. That directive sounded much more difficult now than it would have yesterday, because yesterday, he'd felt perfectly fine as he was, or perfectly not unhappy which had been close enough, and now, today, it didn't.

For a moment, Thomas thought Zilrud was saying he should come with him to Rokhan, which surprised him. He had assumed Zilrud thought him kind but not worth supporting through such an undertaking, and while Thomas had an understanding of himself as a capable traveler, Zilrud had not seen that side of him so he'd have no way of knowing that he would be anything other than a burden. Then again, perhaps that would discharge the debt he felt to the human.

He was confused by what, exactly, the orkhai meant, but he knew better than to ask for clarity. The meaning would become clear in time. For now, he had to confirm that he had picked up on the meaning without yet strongly committing to anything, lest he find out he had grossly misunderstood.

"I have traveled to many places, but never to Rokhan. When I left Grisic, I traveled through Khadai, instead. It would be an honor to be able to see it one day," Thomas replied. "And I feel confident that the two of us could be quite the duo in such an endeavor." Even saying all this made him feel nervous, but the idea of pulling up stakes and getting on the road again felt right.

He loved the house and Wendell and the life that their marriage afforded him. He just also had never sat still for so long since starting to travel in the first place, and the restlessness had not left him after several months. He'd just gotten better at ignoring it. If Zilrud had the right of it, maybe it was better to listen to it than to pretend that he was perfectly content to stay as he was.

[Zilrud]

Zilrud had said quite a few things, some of which he had intended to come off the way it had, and others missed their mark if not just by a bit. When Rokhan was brought up, his head tilted, and he listened. “Rokhan is dangerous for non-Orkhai. It will not be easy to bring you in, especially to meet my clan, if you wish it… They may not even accept me.” That was a discussion for another time, though, mostly because he could not tell the future.

“Before you make your decision to come with me. You need to talk to your mate. I may not respect many human things, but I have honor because you chose to marry this mate of yours.” He glanced over his shoulder towards the larger house as he thought of the other at that moment. He did not know how it would go. But either way, he looked back to Thomas. It truly was the honorable thing to do. “…And respect his wishes while also respecting yours. Only then will you find a good way to go forward.” And head off into the wilderness to see what was in store for the pair of them.

As he said that, though, he leaned back in his seat on the steps, looked up towards the sky, and allowed his red eyes to close. Allowing the weight to relax his head against his back, the weight of his head on his spike alleviated, and his body relaxed. He felt much better than he had been when he arrived on Thomas’s estate. And at the moment, he knew it would be within a matter of a week or so before he was feeling well enough to venture off on his own. Even if Thomas was not ready by then, he would at least venture around the nearby areas to see what he could find before the pair would be ready to head off together.

He was feeling peaceful at that moment. His leg still bothered him at moments, and there were phantom-like pains where the wound had been. Regardless of that, though, he allowed himself that moment’s respite. Trusting the area around him enough to allow at least one of his senses to be cut off from doing much of anything.

[Thomas]

Thomas nodded. It was good counsel, and he'd planned to do so anyhow. He had a deep respect and appreciation for Wendell, whatever else happened. The man had, after some understandable initial resistance, welcomed Thomas into his home, his marriage, and his bed. Well, not in that order, but he had done it. Zilrud was right that Wendell was cold, but he wasn't a bad guy, just self-interested and a political animal. He might even be relieved Thomas brought up the idea of dissolution.

Taelian was more of a question mark, but Thomas had no doubt that he was not in his former lover's heart any more. Taelian's attention was like the sun on a hot day, and now it felt not unlike a cold Frost's day in Lorien. The man's attentions had been so ardent and so passionate that their lack was rather obvious. He had quietly admitted that to himself a few weeks before Zilrud's arrival. Something about the way the man stopped coming home after he'd come to Radenor. There was something -- well, someone, a male someone, Thomas was certain -- that he'd found. And that was that.

Still, he could send a letter, at least. He wouldn't just leave without saying a word. Not for the third time.

"I will discuss it with them," was all he said aloud. Even saying that was scary. His mouth was admitting what his heart had known for some time: he was not meant for this life, and not meant for these people.

"Now then, Zilrud. If you are finished with chopping wood for the day, I'd like you to join me for a bath. We can have the robe and shorts laundered at the same time, if you insist, though I think we should also give you a few changes of clothes. Cloth needs to be taken care of just like anything else, or it suffers, and having a few sets of clothes will help what you have stay in usable condition for longer."

It wasn't the first time he'd brought up the concept of bathing, but it was the first time he'd brought up going with the man.

"It's good," he said, smiling reassuringly up at the orkhai who had until now flatly refused all such things. "Like a ritual cleansing for the body and spirit. I could use one, too, and I have tree sap in my hair, besides."

[Zilrud]

If Zilrud had not been an Orkhai, he would have questioned, at least a little bit, Thomas deciding to talk to them about it and figure things out. But in all honesty, Thomas was his own person, and if Zilrud had a traveling companion, it would be even better. He hadn’t had friends who were not Orkhai, and Thomas was nearly an acquaintance. Perhaps closer to a friend than an acquaintance, but Zilrud would not argue that point. He simply knew Thomas.

The mention of taking a bath earned a surprised gaze from the Orkhai. Not because it was the first time he heard about bathing, Thomas had tried, unsuccessfully, to get Zilrud into a bath and have him cleaned, but the Orkhai was stubborn. Outside in the open, he looked around as if Thomas had said something that was insanity incarnate.

“We are outside, with snow and ice. Bathing in a river would not end well for you, little one… Not even I could withstand the cold waters of a river in Lorien.” In Rokhan, Orkhai is generally bathed in streams, rivers, ponds, and lakes. So his offering it outside made Zilrud immediately think he was meant for it to happen outside, which was why he had reacted the way he had. “I know what bathing is. I know how to do it.” Clearly, not the same way humans did, though that would eventually be seen one way or the other.

And another thing that surprised the Ork, he was being schooled on taking care of various clothes. Quickly, he pressed himself up to a stand. Any snow that had been on the step before he sat had since melted, and his shorts were damp from the snow, and he looked down at Thomas. “We have clothes in Rokhan.” Again, they are not the same as humans. Orkhai had loin cloths or drapes, furs, leather armor, and boots. They even had armor, but Zilrud never had, mostly because they were used for harsher fights involving the realm of Jaxkael.

“…You forget yourself, little one.”

Reaching down, the large, green, thick-nailed hand pressed into Thomas’s sap-stained hair and gripped a handful of the brown locks. Taking a firm fist of the hair, the muscles along his arms corded as he lifted Thomas from his seated position on the steps until he was pulled up high enough for his feet to touch a step higher than Zilrud was standing. Leaning his head in, there was a low, rumbling growl that nearly vibrated his chest, and his upper lip lifted against his right tusk, sticking to it for a moment as his glowing red eyes bore into Thomas’s own.

“Where are we taking this bath, so you will leave me alone?”

Zilrud was annoyed with it, mostly because this was not the first time he had heard Thomas trying to get him to bathe, but the handful of sap-sticky hair reminded Zil the same sap that had his hand sticking within the boy’s hair was also smeared all over his body. And for that split moment, he agreed with Thomas. He at least needed to wipe down so that way he wouldn’t make other things sticky or get stuck to anything.

[Thomas]

For a moment, Thomas thought he was going to die. He could maintain sang-froid with ease with most people because most people were not question marks to him. Zilrud was. He didn't think the man would hurt him for an accidental indiscretion, but Thomas knew grave insults in Rokhan could sometimes only be resolved with some kind of physical contest, and he had no desire to have any kind of competitive bout of any kind with his giant orkhai companion. The low, deep growl was menacing. Thomas felt it reverberate in his chest in a way that only some Griscian machinery and Resonance magic had done before. He hadn't known that any living creature could make a sound that did that. Then, it was over, and despite the admonition that he was out of line, the big orkhai acquiesced to his request. The resulting posture put him looking face to face at Zilrud for the first time, perhaps ever.

Now that he was not looking up at him, Thomas could appreciate the large square jaw, bigger than a human's to accommodate his tusks, the planes of his cheekbones, his vibrant red eyes. He wondered if Zilrud was considered handsome by other orkhai, or if they had beauty standards all their own. A question for another time, though.

"I know you have clothes in your native land, Zilrud. I am guessing, and if I am wrong please feel free to tell me, that you have partially not accepted more clothes even though I have offered because these ones feel wrong on your skin, or because you feel like you don't want to owe me more, or both. The fact is, though, that I'd like you to have three sets so that you can alternate and the staff can take care of what's not in use. I will not force it upon you, but beginning each day with clean clothes is a good feeling. Please think about it. As for where we are having our bath, please follow me."

Thomas entered the manor house and then, hopefully with his companion in tow, walked into the great hall before taking a small door near one of the servant's corridors down a narrow hallway for rooms that were only used by people within the home, but needed frequent maintenance from staff. The bathing chamber was one such. It held a sauna big enough for three normal sized men if they were friends, a lavatorium with heated water for scrubbing, and a small pool with water piped in from a hot spring further inland. It was kept covered when not in use and it shared a wall with the ovens in the kitchen, which assisted in keeping the water warm via thermal transfer.

He stopped short in the vestibule. He'd removed his outerwear when they went inside and had remanded the robe to Zilrud, but now that he was in the bathing chamber, he began shucking off all that remained without a hint of modesty. Growing up in an orphanage where bathwater was as scarce a commodity as anything else, he'd known that to get clean, there was no time for fussiness. As he disrobed, he explained: "you are correct that it is too chilly in Lorien to bathe in a river. My hope is that you will enjoy this with me instead."