Searing 20th, 4608
The family were always looking for excuses to pass marry me off, but with the way they represent me, I don’t think their humiliating ways are working, but yet again Jean saw the notion that I was uncomfortable, particularly when we were playing tennis on our private courts; it was a blood sport to a Carnahan as we were born with the prospect that we should never lose, I’m surprised my mother wouldn’t have executed my father if he missed a single shot. She was different when I was younger as she chose Symone as her favorite. Sadly, he’s no longer with us as a family meaning that there was always some bitter and spiteful void sucking her in.
I had Jean stay with us, the woman who I had been courting with a similar family background to mine, although we had our differences. She was the most supportive partner you could be with, down to earth, caring and at times a woman who doesn’t take no for an answer. Her stubbornness is what kept her going, particularly when she was enacting her feelings towards me in the sweetest way possible.
I walked into the bedroom and found her building a wall made out of pillows, separating our end of the bed. She appeared to be devoted to the concept of us sharing the same bed together. Of course, we have to keep our hands above the covers at all times, knowing the logic that it could be damaging if we were to conceive out of wedlock. Keeping dignity intact was one of the most important lessons of life to a Griscian and she appeared to embody every moment of her own self respect into the method. I liked that about her because she wasn’t a stone, or a gem but a pearl without even a single flaw.
She was perfect, but why did she need to build a wall of pillows?
“I could’ve slept on the couch, if you wanted…”
“Oliver, don’t be ridiculous, why should you sleep on a couch and besides, I did this with my brother, Aurin, everytime he brought a girl home that is…”
“Classy, but it seems to work…” I stare at her, skeptically as I move the covers to get into bed on my side, smiling to myself… “Of course, I used to do this with my sister when her university friends used to stay here. I guess you can say I’m very protective of my sister, considering she’s the only one in the family who seems to care about me…” It was true, she was the only one who was there for me besides my other brother who left Grisic.
I suppose it’s being the heir to an anti-magic research facility that puts pressure on the family, knowing my sister is the one who possesses that responsibility now. I see the pressure she is going under whilst under the tutelage of my father, but he wasn’t always the best man to take advice from, all he cared about was making money, his brand of whiskey and his own favorable reputation which he appears to be squandering.
“Well, my mother wasn’t always the smartest woman, although she had a dubious reputation for having many affairs. She paints me that way to save her own skin, but none of it is true… Everyone knows she was a party animal?”
“Wanna make this an emotional scar-off? Because I’ll win…” The moment seemed rather relevant to talk about those things, particularly when we were bringing up the subjects of our family’s debaucherous past.
“Bring it…”
“One time when I was younger, my father took me on a hunting trip, although I took a wrong turn and left me… I was eight at the time.” I turned to Jean, expecting her to top it off with one of her stories. Although it couldn’t get any worse right?
“When I was younger, I used to work at one of those tango bars; it was dangerous and of course, but I’d always get asked about that.” She paused, seemingly ashamed, I could emphasize with her, being born in the same class as I was, being judged by the rumors that go around.
I continued to listen, moving the pillow that was blocking the view of her complexion, after all I missed seeing that beautifully porcelain face, even after a few seconds. “Probably wasn’t one of the most reputable places to work at but I did it anyway… After my father threw me out, he took me back in to protect his reputation; he knew if I dragged the family down I would be taking him with me…” She frowned, once again the turmoil was raging out every emotion, it was as if she was telling me a message.
You’re not the only one.
Life seems to have its problems, no matter if you’re rich or poor. I couldn’t help but try my best and end up nothing like my family; the cold and bitter sadness that is drenched between the two created by a simple manner of society. Of course we should have dignity, respect and be an example to others in society, but the draining effect of living within the tenets of the pillars seems to become more of an illusion the more I think about it. Are we destined to live perfectly if we confide in each other for support? Or is it just an old fashioned way of life, driven by the paranoia of the events that happened over six-hundred years ago. Are we radicalized into thinking a certain ideology, only because the history that is written says so? What if it was all propaganda? There was no telling, the truth was often a feature that had been obscured.
And if it all was a simple lie, where does that lead us?
As I’m embellished in my thoughts, Jean smiled and turned her body towards me, still innocently under the covers. I blinked for a moment, turning to my side once again as I could remember the tragic incident which caused my brother to leave Grisic. The eldest and the one who took all of the bullets for us as children. However, some bullets appear to be too painful to bare, nevermind the scars they leave afterwards. Those painful memories of insecurity and yet if they expected us to be the best, why on earth are they treating us like this?
“It’s funny how we both went through stuff but… I’d say we turned out okay.” I paused, smiling at Jean as I knew for each breath became too much. I could imagine my mother springing into the room, like one of those childhood toys… What was it called? Ahh, a Jack-in-a-box that’s it; except it would be rather frightening than entertaining. Who knows, it would probably have one of those voice control buttons.
Marry her and then you’ll see what a eunuch of a son he is! She’ll cry out, wanting to oust me away and breed, like women are mere chattel and breeding stock.
If anyone was to view a woman as such a thing is vile and uncouth to the desires of a gentleman, despite the way society is. Speaking of which, laying on this bed with Jean has forced my memory to think about so many things that frustrate me and yet I haven't even engaged in conversation with her properly.
Oh good lord, the butterflies in my stomach yet again as I proceeded to get comfortable again, with an audible ‘ehem’ as she was still staring at me.
“In deep thought?”
“Yes, actually I am…”
“What are you thinking about?”
Oh by the pillars, not this again. Another awkward situation with a girl and yet I can’t seem to generate the confidence to talk “Erm…”
“I’ll listen…”
I sighed once again, knowing I should at least be honest; after all, if I am going to marry this woman, I should tell her what’s on my mind at least…
“Well, let's say after my big brother Symone left, things got tense between my family. My mother and father are constantly putting pressure on me whether it is on the subject of marriage or anything, they would dig at me, but I suppose it’s the way society is after all.” I said, letting out a loud exhale as my emotional stress was being drawn out. I knew how difficult it was to get through to my family; sometimes, they would involve degrading me in my own home in front of my sister. It didn’t matter if I did something great, they would find a reason to critique, so in the end why bother.
Why bother?
“Oh, I’m sorry, do you ever stand up for yourself, sometimes that always helps.”
I shook my head, knowing that would add fire to the flame, knowing how volatile a situation like that could get “Well, it’s easier if I just take their abuse, rather than do anything about it, maybe they do care deep inside somewhat, but in a way I wouldn’t tell them anything because I’ve been scared of them since Symone left…”
Jean gave me a comforting rub on my wrists; finally, a sense of validation of how I feel as she smiled and turned over to turn the lampshade light on the bedside table to turn off the lights.
“Good night, darling.” She spoke softly as I laid there in thought.
Was all of this taking refuge in my head? And if so, what would happen if I keep it all to myself?
The family were always looking for excuses to pass marry me off, but with the way they represent me, I don’t think their humiliating ways are working, but yet again Jean saw the notion that I was uncomfortable, particularly when we were playing tennis on our private courts; it was a blood sport to a Carnahan as we were born with the prospect that we should never lose, I’m surprised my mother wouldn’t have executed my father if he missed a single shot. She was different when I was younger as she chose Symone as her favorite. Sadly, he’s no longer with us as a family meaning that there was always some bitter and spiteful void sucking her in.
I had Jean stay with us, the woman who I had been courting with a similar family background to mine, although we had our differences. She was the most supportive partner you could be with, down to earth, caring and at times a woman who doesn’t take no for an answer. Her stubbornness is what kept her going, particularly when she was enacting her feelings towards me in the sweetest way possible.
I walked into the bedroom and found her building a wall made out of pillows, separating our end of the bed. She appeared to be devoted to the concept of us sharing the same bed together. Of course, we have to keep our hands above the covers at all times, knowing the logic that it could be damaging if we were to conceive out of wedlock. Keeping dignity intact was one of the most important lessons of life to a Griscian and she appeared to embody every moment of her own self respect into the method. I liked that about her because she wasn’t a stone, or a gem but a pearl without even a single flaw.
She was perfect, but why did she need to build a wall of pillows?
“I could’ve slept on the couch, if you wanted…”
“Oliver, don’t be ridiculous, why should you sleep on a couch and besides, I did this with my brother, Aurin, everytime he brought a girl home that is…”
“Classy, but it seems to work…” I stare at her, skeptically as I move the covers to get into bed on my side, smiling to myself… “Of course, I used to do this with my sister when her university friends used to stay here. I guess you can say I’m very protective of my sister, considering she’s the only one in the family who seems to care about me…” It was true, she was the only one who was there for me besides my other brother who left Grisic.
I suppose it’s being the heir to an anti-magic research facility that puts pressure on the family, knowing my sister is the one who possesses that responsibility now. I see the pressure she is going under whilst under the tutelage of my father, but he wasn’t always the best man to take advice from, all he cared about was making money, his brand of whiskey and his own favorable reputation which he appears to be squandering.
“Well, my mother wasn’t always the smartest woman, although she had a dubious reputation for having many affairs. She paints me that way to save her own skin, but none of it is true… Everyone knows she was a party animal?”
“Wanna make this an emotional scar-off? Because I’ll win…” The moment seemed rather relevant to talk about those things, particularly when we were bringing up the subjects of our family’s debaucherous past.
“Bring it…”
“One time when I was younger, my father took me on a hunting trip, although I took a wrong turn and left me… I was eight at the time.” I turned to Jean, expecting her to top it off with one of her stories. Although it couldn’t get any worse right?
“When I was younger, I used to work at one of those tango bars; it was dangerous and of course, but I’d always get asked about that.” She paused, seemingly ashamed, I could emphasize with her, being born in the same class as I was, being judged by the rumors that go around.
I continued to listen, moving the pillow that was blocking the view of her complexion, after all I missed seeing that beautifully porcelain face, even after a few seconds. “Probably wasn’t one of the most reputable places to work at but I did it anyway… After my father threw me out, he took me back in to protect his reputation; he knew if I dragged the family down I would be taking him with me…” She frowned, once again the turmoil was raging out every emotion, it was as if she was telling me a message.
You’re not the only one.
Life seems to have its problems, no matter if you’re rich or poor. I couldn’t help but try my best and end up nothing like my family; the cold and bitter sadness that is drenched between the two created by a simple manner of society. Of course we should have dignity, respect and be an example to others in society, but the draining effect of living within the tenets of the pillars seems to become more of an illusion the more I think about it. Are we destined to live perfectly if we confide in each other for support? Or is it just an old fashioned way of life, driven by the paranoia of the events that happened over six-hundred years ago. Are we radicalized into thinking a certain ideology, only because the history that is written says so? What if it was all propaganda? There was no telling, the truth was often a feature that had been obscured.
And if it all was a simple lie, where does that lead us?
As I’m embellished in my thoughts, Jean smiled and turned her body towards me, still innocently under the covers. I blinked for a moment, turning to my side once again as I could remember the tragic incident which caused my brother to leave Grisic. The eldest and the one who took all of the bullets for us as children. However, some bullets appear to be too painful to bare, nevermind the scars they leave afterwards. Those painful memories of insecurity and yet if they expected us to be the best, why on earth are they treating us like this?
“It’s funny how we both went through stuff but… I’d say we turned out okay.” I paused, smiling at Jean as I knew for each breath became too much. I could imagine my mother springing into the room, like one of those childhood toys… What was it called? Ahh, a Jack-in-a-box that’s it; except it would be rather frightening than entertaining. Who knows, it would probably have one of those voice control buttons.
Marry her and then you’ll see what a eunuch of a son he is! She’ll cry out, wanting to oust me away and breed, like women are mere chattel and breeding stock.
If anyone was to view a woman as such a thing is vile and uncouth to the desires of a gentleman, despite the way society is. Speaking of which, laying on this bed with Jean has forced my memory to think about so many things that frustrate me and yet I haven't even engaged in conversation with her properly.
Oh good lord, the butterflies in my stomach yet again as I proceeded to get comfortable again, with an audible ‘ehem’ as she was still staring at me.
“In deep thought?”
“Yes, actually I am…”
“What are you thinking about?”
Oh by the pillars, not this again. Another awkward situation with a girl and yet I can’t seem to generate the confidence to talk “Erm…”
“I’ll listen…”
I sighed once again, knowing I should at least be honest; after all, if I am going to marry this woman, I should tell her what’s on my mind at least…
“Well, let's say after my big brother Symone left, things got tense between my family. My mother and father are constantly putting pressure on me whether it is on the subject of marriage or anything, they would dig at me, but I suppose it’s the way society is after all.” I said, letting out a loud exhale as my emotional stress was being drawn out. I knew how difficult it was to get through to my family; sometimes, they would involve degrading me in my own home in front of my sister. It didn’t matter if I did something great, they would find a reason to critique, so in the end why bother.
Why bother?
“Oh, I’m sorry, do you ever stand up for yourself, sometimes that always helps.”
I shook my head, knowing that would add fire to the flame, knowing how volatile a situation like that could get “Well, it’s easier if I just take their abuse, rather than do anything about it, maybe they do care deep inside somewhat, but in a way I wouldn’t tell them anything because I’ve been scared of them since Symone left…”
Jean gave me a comforting rub on my wrists; finally, a sense of validation of how I feel as she smiled and turned over to turn the lampshade light on the bedside table to turn off the lights.
“Good night, darling.” She spoke softly as I laid there in thought.
Was all of this taking refuge in my head? And if so, what would happen if I keep it all to myself?
