31st Ash, 4622
Oliver entered back into his room, thinking of the moment that he aggressively reacted like that. It wasn’t in his nature to be callous, but in a country that exiled mages for possessing magic, it could’ve potentially ruined Eric’s career propositions. He was there to support him through his strenuous dealings of artificing, but he couldn’t help thinking about the potential possibility that Eric was hiding something from him.
What was he hiding? Oliver laid beside his spouse for a moment as he stared at him, watching him sleep peacefully after the drunken dysphoria he caused; the smaller male appeared to be content in sweet serenity as there was no sign of disturbance from Oliver’s weight amongst the bed. He knew he was there after all. Oliver’s sorrow could be seen in his eyes, knowing how things used to be, how disciplined he was. He understood how married life was now and wondered if it would’ve been the same with Jean, his first love.
His recent attraction to Eric wasn’t fake, but brought on by love and his ability to let go, but perhaps things are not meant to last. Monogamy was a social construct, preyed on by humanity for centuries as a concept of gaining prosperity, or uniting a family unit in terms of their wealth. It was a ceremony that brought people together for the wrong reasons. Married life wasn’t as easy as Griscians were educated to be, knowing that many of them are forced into the concept for social reasons. It was lucky Oliver left that circle or he would be judged, scorned and ridiculed by the population of the Grisic Empire itself.
The difficulty sleeping was not helping Oliver’s anxiety, knowing that he could be reprimanded for a perceived act of violence against another citizen of Radenor, particularly when Eric and Oliver were supposed to be vigilant during their stay. Especially with Eric telling him about Radenor customs and legal territory. He wasn’t going to live a life of pampered slavery under a political regime that he had no idea about; he tossed and turned around in the bed before sighing yet again
“Maybe I was too harsh, hmm…” The incident echoed in his mind as he reflected on the many needs. Perhaps he should’ve reserved himself rather than lash out like that but it appeared to be natural to want to defend against a situation like that, especially when the consequences of being a mage were unknown in these parts, he could only pray that such a revelation wasn’t a death sentence. What if he was secretly plotting to out them both as mages? He sighed, knowing that the man would at least have to have some kind of identifying marker and since his nightwear wasn’t the best source of clothing, he was sure to be extremely careful next time.
Next time, he may not be so lucky, knowing the paranoia brought on by military warfare to the south. The talk of all of those commoners bringing up the conversations about modern warfare were indeed frightening and perhaps even speak paranoia to Oliver’s mind. The constant thinking wasn’t helping with his sleep.
Another toss, another turn, he waited for another moment where he needed his moment, but Eric wasn’t awake and he didn’t want to disturb his sobering sleep. He started to think about the regrets he had in life. Why didn’t he leave Grisic earlier? Why did he accept the trip to Icheron, proving that he had some kind of goal to revive his family signet? It was inevitably gone, broken by the lies of a father and most of all the lies of the people of Griscian descent. How could Oliver live in such a state of mediocrity caused by the mere preacher of the family to himself. The man who sought magical research was practically a hypocrite, he didn’t care for his own family but rather his own reputation.
The dynasty had crumbled, the Carnahans were no more after the mere public stunt he was forced on his father. The wrecking ball that cost them their entirety of their prosperity, forcing many of the others to find another place to call home, or another dream to follow or something that would break this cycle of mediocrity.
After all, nothing lasts forever. Oliver knew that from the lessons with his family, so divided by the ideological prospects of the Grisic Empire themselves that they had forgotten the true value of the definition of family. Love, trust and most of all giving them the ability to believe in themselves, because without that encouragement there was no spark so it seemed, it had to be fabricated by the hands of their own free will, through rebellion, broken promises and diminishing the conventions of Griscian society all together.
Some may have succeeded, but some have also failed.
Another toss, another turn.
“Eric…” Oliver called softly.
The man was still asleep as he appeared to be in a moment of deep melancholy; the feeling of exasperating failure only grew on Oliver’s term. Was he feeling the same sensation of dread he was feeling when he was with the crew all them years ago, finding his feet in the world?
Another toss, another turn.
Oliver exhaled through his nose. I am strong, but am I that strong? Am I just another failure seeking a way of redemption because of my family’s mistakes? Am I supposed to pay for their misdeeds for the rest of my life or make my own way? It was obvious that the teachings indoctrinated into Oliver’s mind were still resonant after years.
Those thoughts? A feeling of failure, dissatisfaction, mediocrity, another dark place that entails the life of a man only kept on a glass pedestal by the prestige of his family. He needed to make his mark on the world somehow, even if it wasn’t something that his own blind culture would approve off.
Another toss, another turn.
“Eric?” He called again as he appeared seemingly in need.
There was no response. The alcohol in his system had drained him into a hypnotic stupor, sighing as he found it completely difficult to sleep; the things that invaded his mind were almost invading it, but why was he living in the past? Was it going to bite him further in the future? Had he done something wrong? No one knew, not even Eric. There was no surprise there unfortunately.
The man had grown even more selfish as their marriage had progressed, often resulting in self-serving behavior and suiting his own needs first before the needs of others. He wondered what the tavern bill was going to be like after his excessive night of debauchery. It was hardly a surprise if the man had a couple of affairs.
He’s not the same man I met two years ago… Things have changed, for the worse so I believe. Perhaps I was a fool, but why did he start drinking that heavily? Did I do something wrong? Did I make him feel bad about something and if I did, why didn’t he talk to me? Oliver thought before sighing.
His longing gaze looked at the window at the glistening blue moonlight that lit up the place as he smiled before his genuine smile waned into a discerning frown. The spark was gone perhaps, but Oliver maybe either needed to find a new spark, or revive and regenerate the current one he has.
Was the problem truly him?
One final toss, one final turn.
He moved out of the bedroom, placing on a robe as he walked around the inn at night, making his way downstairs and sitting at the study. It was then, he saw a piece of paper remnant from the time that Kayleth had dropped his papers. He looked at it and tilted his head at the runic script symbol he drew. It wasn’t anything he’d seen before, but perhaps the aspiring artificer was actually keen on learning.
Probably not from Eric, but from someone with a more prestige and intellectual wit, unlike the brazen and uncouth Lorien man he had married.
He never used to be like that.
He never used to be like that, but why am I continuously making excuses? Am I the problem?
Oliver never knew marriage was like dealing with a child on reins, but there would come a time where he would simply let them go. Let him deal with the consequences of his own actions himself as he knew how much trouble he would cause him. Eric’s behaviour has been pushing Oliver off the edge for so long, it was beginning to make him question his relationship with him. Was the marriage truely salvageable? Or was Eric a lost cause? It was hard to say.
Nothing lasts forever.
Oliver entered back into his room, thinking of the moment that he aggressively reacted like that. It wasn’t in his nature to be callous, but in a country that exiled mages for possessing magic, it could’ve potentially ruined Eric’s career propositions. He was there to support him through his strenuous dealings of artificing, but he couldn’t help thinking about the potential possibility that Eric was hiding something from him.
What was he hiding? Oliver laid beside his spouse for a moment as he stared at him, watching him sleep peacefully after the drunken dysphoria he caused; the smaller male appeared to be content in sweet serenity as there was no sign of disturbance from Oliver’s weight amongst the bed. He knew he was there after all. Oliver’s sorrow could be seen in his eyes, knowing how things used to be, how disciplined he was. He understood how married life was now and wondered if it would’ve been the same with Jean, his first love.
His recent attraction to Eric wasn’t fake, but brought on by love and his ability to let go, but perhaps things are not meant to last. Monogamy was a social construct, preyed on by humanity for centuries as a concept of gaining prosperity, or uniting a family unit in terms of their wealth. It was a ceremony that brought people together for the wrong reasons. Married life wasn’t as easy as Griscians were educated to be, knowing that many of them are forced into the concept for social reasons. It was lucky Oliver left that circle or he would be judged, scorned and ridiculed by the population of the Grisic Empire itself.
The difficulty sleeping was not helping Oliver’s anxiety, knowing that he could be reprimanded for a perceived act of violence against another citizen of Radenor, particularly when Eric and Oliver were supposed to be vigilant during their stay. Especially with Eric telling him about Radenor customs and legal territory. He wasn’t going to live a life of pampered slavery under a political regime that he had no idea about; he tossed and turned around in the bed before sighing yet again
“Maybe I was too harsh, hmm…” The incident echoed in his mind as he reflected on the many needs. Perhaps he should’ve reserved himself rather than lash out like that but it appeared to be natural to want to defend against a situation like that, especially when the consequences of being a mage were unknown in these parts, he could only pray that such a revelation wasn’t a death sentence. What if he was secretly plotting to out them both as mages? He sighed, knowing that the man would at least have to have some kind of identifying marker and since his nightwear wasn’t the best source of clothing, he was sure to be extremely careful next time.
Next time, he may not be so lucky, knowing the paranoia brought on by military warfare to the south. The talk of all of those commoners bringing up the conversations about modern warfare were indeed frightening and perhaps even speak paranoia to Oliver’s mind. The constant thinking wasn’t helping with his sleep.
Another toss, another turn, he waited for another moment where he needed his moment, but Eric wasn’t awake and he didn’t want to disturb his sobering sleep. He started to think about the regrets he had in life. Why didn’t he leave Grisic earlier? Why did he accept the trip to Icheron, proving that he had some kind of goal to revive his family signet? It was inevitably gone, broken by the lies of a father and most of all the lies of the people of Griscian descent. How could Oliver live in such a state of mediocrity caused by the mere preacher of the family to himself. The man who sought magical research was practically a hypocrite, he didn’t care for his own family but rather his own reputation.
The dynasty had crumbled, the Carnahans were no more after the mere public stunt he was forced on his father. The wrecking ball that cost them their entirety of their prosperity, forcing many of the others to find another place to call home, or another dream to follow or something that would break this cycle of mediocrity.
After all, nothing lasts forever. Oliver knew that from the lessons with his family, so divided by the ideological prospects of the Grisic Empire themselves that they had forgotten the true value of the definition of family. Love, trust and most of all giving them the ability to believe in themselves, because without that encouragement there was no spark so it seemed, it had to be fabricated by the hands of their own free will, through rebellion, broken promises and diminishing the conventions of Griscian society all together.
Some may have succeeded, but some have also failed.
Another toss, another turn.
“Eric…” Oliver called softly.
The man was still asleep as he appeared to be in a moment of deep melancholy; the feeling of exasperating failure only grew on Oliver’s term. Was he feeling the same sensation of dread he was feeling when he was with the crew all them years ago, finding his feet in the world?
Another toss, another turn.
Oliver exhaled through his nose. I am strong, but am I that strong? Am I just another failure seeking a way of redemption because of my family’s mistakes? Am I supposed to pay for their misdeeds for the rest of my life or make my own way? It was obvious that the teachings indoctrinated into Oliver’s mind were still resonant after years.
Those thoughts? A feeling of failure, dissatisfaction, mediocrity, another dark place that entails the life of a man only kept on a glass pedestal by the prestige of his family. He needed to make his mark on the world somehow, even if it wasn’t something that his own blind culture would approve off.
Another toss, another turn.
“Eric?” He called again as he appeared seemingly in need.
There was no response. The alcohol in his system had drained him into a hypnotic stupor, sighing as he found it completely difficult to sleep; the things that invaded his mind were almost invading it, but why was he living in the past? Was it going to bite him further in the future? Had he done something wrong? No one knew, not even Eric. There was no surprise there unfortunately.
The man had grown even more selfish as their marriage had progressed, often resulting in self-serving behavior and suiting his own needs first before the needs of others. He wondered what the tavern bill was going to be like after his excessive night of debauchery. It was hardly a surprise if the man had a couple of affairs.
He’s not the same man I met two years ago… Things have changed, for the worse so I believe. Perhaps I was a fool, but why did he start drinking that heavily? Did I do something wrong? Did I make him feel bad about something and if I did, why didn’t he talk to me? Oliver thought before sighing.
His longing gaze looked at the window at the glistening blue moonlight that lit up the place as he smiled before his genuine smile waned into a discerning frown. The spark was gone perhaps, but Oliver maybe either needed to find a new spark, or revive and regenerate the current one he has.
Was the problem truly him?
One final toss, one final turn.
He moved out of the bedroom, placing on a robe as he walked around the inn at night, making his way downstairs and sitting at the study. It was then, he saw a piece of paper remnant from the time that Kayleth had dropped his papers. He looked at it and tilted his head at the runic script symbol he drew. It wasn’t anything he’d seen before, but perhaps the aspiring artificer was actually keen on learning.
Probably not from Eric, but from someone with a more prestige and intellectual wit, unlike the brazen and uncouth Lorien man he had married.
He never used to be like that.
He never used to be like that, but why am I continuously making excuses? Am I the problem?
Oliver never knew marriage was like dealing with a child on reins, but there would come a time where he would simply let them go. Let him deal with the consequences of his own actions himself as he knew how much trouble he would cause him. Eric’s behaviour has been pushing Oliver off the edge for so long, it was beginning to make him question his relationship with him. Was the marriage truely salvageable? Or was Eric a lost cause? It was hard to say.
Nothing lasts forever.
