Erotics

[Hakon]

Things were going well, Hakon thought. The kiss was fantastic. He hadn't really had much chance to practice since Ajax, but he'd thought about it a lot, and thought about it like fighting: positioning, forms, tactics. He could find a man's weakness in combat. Presumably, there were weaknesses in the bedroom, too. Soft spots to exploit, favored sides, ways to capitalize on success with surprising follow-ups. It wasn't that different really, loving someone and killing them. He was feeling quite pleased with himself until Ajax turned him down.

"Not tonight."

Did that really mean not tonight, or did it mean not ever? Hakon, always a literalist, would have figured it for the former, but he knew that words were at their twistiest when it came to matters of the heart, and he genuinely wasn't sure how to take it.

Still, he knew what to do.

He broke the kiss and moved back. He didn't hide his disappointment, but he tried not to be overcome by it. It was a loss, and an unexpected one, at that. Things had been going well. But that didn't change that Ajax had said no, and there could be only one proper response to that.

Then, Ajax continued, and Hakon blushed. He wanted to protest that he wasn't too drunk, that he knew what he wanted. He was pretty sure he knew what he wanted, anyway. He knew he wanted Ajax -- the exact ins and outs of what the two of them would do together they could figure out. Hakon nodded dutifully, and left the room to grab the ewer in the hallway, pouring himself a belt of water as he'd been bid.

When he re-entered the room, he felt sad for a moment until Ajax made his request. He means it, Hakon thought. They'd talk about what had happened in the morning, which sounded fraught and frustrating, and then maybe, if he was able to navigate the blind maze of that conversation, there would be more kissing. It was annoying that they couldn't skip over that part, and daunting. He wasn't good at words, or feelings, so using words to describe feelings sounded torturous.

But he found Ajax in the bed that would have been uncomfortable had the other man not let him be so close, and he held him tight to his body like he'd done when they had first met and had shared a small bed in the cottage where the lad's life had almost ended, and it felt right, just like it had then. Which was weird, because many things had changed. It was weird that it felt almost the same now as it had then but he was not an expert on such things.

He was sobering up a bit, but his feelings were reeling and it made his attempts at conversation die before they reached his lips. He tried, a few times, to think of something to say to make Ajax understand his position, but all he could do was hold on to him, to put his head on the plane of Ajax's shoulder, to trace the path of the scar the man had gotten saving his life reverentially.

"In the morning," he confirmed. It was a promise.

Then he let the fog of alcohol that remained in his head to take him off to sleep.

[Andros]

The way Hakon touched Ajax’s scar made the young man shiver. Gentle but very purposeful. As if it had long been on Hakon’s mind. As if he’d been waiting for a chance to touch it. That scar meant something to Hakon, clearly. He smiled and took Hakon’s hand, pulling it around him and pushing himself closer to the big mage.


“It’s different this time. Much better.”


Ajax whispered it as he neared sleep lying there, extremely comfortably, in Hakon’s arms. Like Hakon, he remembered the first time he’d been in this position years ago, remembered his irritation when he couldn’t easily squirm free out of Hakon’s vice-like grip. This time you couldn’t pay him enough to move. Hakon felt like home.


The giant was still deeply asleep when Ajax woke with the rising sun. The mage was still recovering and needed his rest, so Ajax left him to it. First he picked up their laundry from the washerwoman he’d dropped it with the day before. Then he walked next door to the bath house and took a good long time to get ready.

When he was done he smelled good, his hair was just right, and he was wearing the best outfit he had with him; a dark green tunic with tight brown breeches that showed off his legs, all clean and neatly starched. He had brought his razor, planning on a shave, but looked in the mirror to find he rather liked the three-day stubble he was sporting. Instead he trimmed it to get a little hair off his neck and make it look neat and decided that was the perfect look. He seemed more manly. He hoped Hakon would like that.

The last thing to do was breakfast. He went into the tavern below their room and talked the innkeeper into lending him a tray. Up to the room he went laden with porridge, sweet rolls, spring fruits, and warm cider. He’d never done this for anyone, literally never. No breakfast in bed. Certainly no laundry, let alone shoe-shines. The chores were his job, how he was earning his keep on this trip but they were also a pleasure. Everything really was so different with Hakon. Or it was this time, anyway.

When Ajax opened the door to the room, Hakon stirred but then rolled over and continued snoring. Ajax opened his mouth to call Hakon’s name and rouse him, but thought better of it. Instead he sat on the bed next to Hakon, leaned over, and woke him with a kiss. Just a chaste kiss on the cheek. Gentle and sweet, no surprises. It felt just right.

“Morning, Hakon. I brought us breakfast. Eat. Then we’ve got some things to talk about.”

[Hakon]

Hakon was not used to being roused by a sight so lovely as Ajax and a full tray. While he was not really a man given to listening to his appetites, it did not mean he did not have them. The combination of a handsome boy and a laden tray was a powerful one. It would be difficult to say which one he felt more of an immediate pull toward.

He gratefully accepted the food, tearing into a sweet roll and then demolishing the first fruits of Northradican spring -- red berries, mostly, the kind he'd loved as a child -- before looking over at Ajax. The lad had been talking. He flushed a bit as he tried to recall what had been said.

For once, his mind had actually been paying attention even while the rest of him had been rather occupied.

Things to talk about. Hakon tried not to predict doom, but his feeling was that Ajax had had the morning to sober up and thought better of pursuing anything. Hakon partially agreed with this approach. They were a lot of things to one another. Adding sex to the relationship seemed like it would just complicate things and maybe make things worse.

At the same time, though, he thought perhaps it would be better to hear what Ajax had in mind. Part of him hoped it was something along the lines of more food and then maybe a session in bed together. It was prurient and self-indulgent, but if that's what Ajax wanted, perhaps he could acquiesce to it, and then chastise himself for his weakness later.

He wiped the crumbs of what had been three sweet rolls off of his face.

"What would you like to talk about?"

[Andros]

“Fucking,” Ajax replied with a smirk “Making love. Boning. Screwing. Fooling around. Breaking the bed. That’s what I want to talk about, Hakon.”

Ajax couldn’t resist needling, even though he’d resolved to be serious and mature. He was excited, bubbly even, but also nervous. He hasn’t been until he watched Hakon devour his breakfast with childlike gusto. Hakon was still so innocent, even as a professional killer. He’d been focused on getting some assurances from Hakon before they jumped back into bed, but Hakon needed protection too. Ajax wouldn’t break his heart again.

When he’d had to have difficult conversations with Hakon before he’d worked to make himself smaller and let the mage avoid eye contact. Today that wasn’t appropriate. He needed to be Hakon’s equal, so he sat down on the bed next to him cross-legged and looked him right in the eye. To soften it a bit, he took one of Hakon’s paws in his hand and gave it a squeeze, then smiled gently at him.

“I want you, you want me, we’re living in close quarters. I don’t think we have to deny ourselves. But last time we jumped in and it went badly. This time let’s be smart and ask questions fisr first.”

He took a deep breath. It was harder to get this out than he expected.

“I’m a flirt, Hakon, and I don’t intend to stick by one man forever. Not yet anyway. I need to know you won’t get jealous, and you won’t get your heart broken. If we become, you know, an item, I’ll promise no other boys on this trip…and if we keep seeing each other after, which I’d like, no other boys when you’re around. That’s all I can promise.”

That was hard, but what followed was harder.

“And I need to hear it from you. Do you forgive me for what I did all those years ago? I think I’ve earned it. If you can’t, then I don’t think we can be together.”

He pulled Hakon’s hand to his mouth and gave it a kiss, which came from a genuine desire to connect. But it was a little manipulative too. If Hakon was a little turned on, he might be more pliable.

[Hakon]

If he'd been chewing, he would have choked. As it was, Hakon spluttered a bit, then took in Ajax's delighted expression and inferred that this was perhaps the point. He frowned at Ajax. They really were quite different in some ways, and it gave him pause.

He didn't say anything, though. His brow furrowed as Ajax continued. Where was this going exactly?

"Just as your eye roves, mine stays fixed. Or, it mostly does," Hakon said, feeling embarrassed to admit it to Ajax even though his companion was quite full-throated in saying he felt the same. "I cannot guarantee you will not hurt me, Ajax. I can promise to keep my temper, though, and to not make it your problem if I am hurt. It is a small thing, but a very important one: I promise you're safe with me, even if you break my heart. I know who you are -- if I end up hurt, I cannot say I was not forewarned."

So saying, he slung an arm around Ajax's shoulders and brought the other man, squeezing a bit in a one-armed hug.

"As for -- the other matter -- I," Hakon paused.

"I fo--" He stopped and started.

"I don't--" he didn't know what he was going to say. He stopped again.

He made an inarticulate growl. He hated stuff like this.

"I don't think I -- I'm not sure I know how. To fully forgive you for what you did. I'm not sure you can fully forgive me for what I did, either, and I think that's okay. I don't know that I would if I were you. Part of me will always be scared that when I wake up, you'll be gone again. I know I'm not good with the signs and hints and such that others seem to just read natively."

"I suppose, if I can ask for something in return: Please don't just leave again. If you're going, tell me. If you don't want me, tell me. The ambiguity and the surprise is far worse than just knowing. And my promise from before stands. If you tell me bad news, I can't promise I will be happy to hear it, but I will not harm you. I am well-used to associating with people who do not enjoy my company, and I can promise you that I will be polite, at least, no matter what."

"Is that good enough, do you think?" Hakon asked.

He felt like he was emptying out his money on the counter, asking a merchant if he could afford something he wanted quite dearly. He could read the denominations of the coins and he knew what he wanted, but the pricing and the haggling and the process of how to get it eluded him. It was, he thought, rather like that.

[Andros]

Hakon threw something of a curveball at Ajax. A few curveballs, actually. He’d expected Hakon to tell him the past was in the past. He’d expected gratitude for his sacrifice. He’d expected a declaration of love or something like it, one Ajax would have to elide because he didn't know how he felt. He didn’t get any of that.

It stung, a bit. Ajax had been feeling so proud of himself, like he’d finally evened the score between them. Now Hakon wouldn’t let him have that. Not without a promise anyway. That was an easy thing to give though, because Ajax had no intention of running away again. It wasn’t done carelessly the last time, and he trusted Hakon would never give him a reason to flee again.

Ajax leaned into Hakon’s hug, letting himself enjoy the simple touch for just a moment, then pulled away to look him in the eye.

“Hakon, you still don’t understand me. I left because I was afraid. You’ll never make me afraid again. I trust you. So why would I want to run away? You’re special to me. I nearly died for you, for goodness sake! So yes, I promise.”

He got off the bed and faced Hakon, then stuck his left hand into his breeches in what at any other time would have been an extremely suggestive gesture. His face, however, was deadly serious. .

“In Teos, when you swear an oath you grab your balls. It’s because you’re swearing on your own life and the lives of any descendants you may sire. We also drown a bird in the sea as an offering to the gods, but there’s no saltwater here so this will have to do. There’s a formula you have to chant.”

He reached up and put his right hand on Hakon’s shoulder, then cleared his throat and began to sing the ancient words in a rhythmic, haunting tune he learned from his mother.

I call to witness every god who lives beneath the waves
Whether in the shallows or in the deep
By the mainland or the islands
Or in the open ocean’s unfathomable wastes
Swimming among the schools of fish or sporting with the dolphins
I swear on the shade of my father
And on the shades of all my ancestors since time immemorial
If I break my oath, may I not live to see another sunrise.”

With the chant complete, he made his oath.

“Hakon, I swear I won’t abandon you again. I don’t swear I’ll never leave you and I don't swear to be yours forever. But I won’t run away from you again, never.”

Ajax took his hand out of his breeches and relaxed. The gesture was complete. He climbed back onto the bed and planted himself in Hakon’s lap, wrapping his arms around the mage’s shoulders.

“So yes, your promises are enough. Are mine?”

[Hakon]

The fact that Ajax was foreign did not feature prominently in Hakon's characterization of him. He looked passingly like a Northradican, albeit a petite one, that Hakon did not think of it much. And though Ajax was not shy about discussing his life in his birthplace, it just did not come up too often. They tended to talk about their lives as adults, or Ajax tended to talk about his life as an adult. Hakon tended not to talk much about such things at all.

He watched the ritual with interest. It felt vaguely blasphemous, but it was clear that Ajax meant it, and that gave Hakon a certitude that a flippant promise freely given would have lacked.

Ajax's follow up question was no less important. Just as Hakon had shoved a pile of coins over the counter to Ajax, so too was Ajax doing so for him. Was it enough?

"More than enough," he affirmed. "Had you been interested in tying yourself to me forever, I would do my best to dissuade you anyhow. You will find someone who can give you what I cannot, and you will be with him when that time comes."

The thought of it hurt, but many things in Hakon's life hurt. Pain was an integral part of all aspects of his life. Why would this be different? In a way, it cheered him. Romance was not a respite from life's ills, but rather a reflection of life, for good or ill.

This felt momentous. He looked at Ajax, feeling a bit flushed and exuberant.

"So, if I agree, and you agree, then we've reached an accord. What happens now?"

[Andros]

Ajax grinned, then gave Hakon a mock punch in the shoulder.

“Don’t play dumb with me, big boy. You’re on my home turf now. I think you know very well what comes next, and I think you’ve been imagining it in pretty vivid detail for a while now. I know I have.”

He leaned in for a kiss, just a brief one to highlight that they’d said what needed to be said and now it was time to relax. He felt relieved, and more than a little excited. That conversation was stressful and awkward, and now they could have what they both wanted. He put his hands on Hakon’s chest, ready to dive right in, but just at that moment there was a knock on the door.

“Damn. I forgot,” he whined, then got up and walked to the door. He’d asked the innkeeper to send up hot water for a shave and the man had arrived, complete with a fluffy towel that had been warmed in the oven. It was good to pay for the nice room, apparently.

“You need a shave. Take your shirt off and sit at the table. We’ll do it there.”

Ajax poured the pitcher of hot water into a wood basin, then went and fetched his shaving things: a small jar of soap, a brush, and a straight razor he'd sharpened yesterday.

“I didn’t shave this morning. I kind of like the stubble,” Ajax said, touching his cheek. “Do you like it? It’s a little more manly, I think, but if you like boyish Ajax better I can shave it.”

He wasn’t insecure about his looks. That wasn’t his problem. Yet. If Hakon were to stick around until Ajax hit his 30s he'd better be prepared to pick the boy up out of a depressive spiral at every gray hair and every new wrinkle. At the moment though, he felt quite confident, just eager to make sure Hakon liked what he saw.

[Hakon]

Hakon obligingly stripped down so that his clothes wouldn't get wet. Then he stripped down a bit more because Ajax seemed to like it when he did that. His eyes stayed on him longer like that, and Hakon liked that feeling.

"Ready," he said, before stepping forward and sitting down by the basin.

Before Ajax could begin, Hakon reached a big hand out and stroked Ajax's chin. There was a few days growth, but it was still quite soft.

"If you had told me I would say this, I would have been quite surprised, but I think I like it," Hakon answered. "When I, ah, imagine. Boys, I suppose. They don't have beards or stubble. On you, though, I think it looks good. Although there are few things I can think of where you do not look good, in truth."

That last part was said not as flattery, simply as facts. This was the world as Hakon saw it. Ajax was handsome, with stubble or without. As the lad picked up the razor, Hakon thought about how this was quite an exercise in trust. A man was rarely more vulnerable than when he had a straight razor across his throat. Nevertheless, he did not feel he had much of anything to worry about. Or he was pretty sure he didn't. If Ajax wanted to kill him, he'd had ample opportunity. Why wait until this moment to do so? Hakon willed himself to relax and let Ajax move the angle of his head and neck just so as he was shorn.

[Andros]

To say Ajax was excited about this would be an enormous understatement. It was so intimate with just a hint of danger. One small mistake could make Hakon bleed, after all. He made a meal out of the shave. Did it need to begin with a shoulder rub? No. Well, it didn’t need to begin with Hakon stripped down to his thin white underwear either, but there they were.

“Your shoulders are bigger than they used to be,” Ajax stated flatly as he worked them over, varying between gentle caressing of the skin and a serious rub-down that would make the muscles loosen up. “They’re tight though. I should probably make a habit of this.” He leaned down and kissed the nape of Hakon’s neck. “Such a hardship taking care of my knight,” he added sarcastically. Hakon didn’t always pick up on sarcasm, but even he would know that Ajax was enjoying himself.

He rose and grabbed his soap and brush. Dipping the brush in the basin, he used it to wet the soap and get up a lather, then painted it on Hakon’s face. His handsome. chiseled face that still wasn’t even in the top three of Ajax’s favorite parts of Hakon. (And don’t ask him what those are. He’d tell in graphic detail but it would still be a rude question.)

Ajax positioned Hakon gently, leaning over him to get the right angle. He started with the cheeks and chin, gliding the razor downwards in careful controlled motions. When they were nice and bare, he rinsed off his razor and prepared to shave the neck.

“Two questions for you while I work, big boy. Honest answers, or else.” He shook the razor to splash a little water on Hakon’s nose to emphasize his point, then switched into Gentaverese to complete the joke.

“We have ways of making you speak honestly, Magus.”

It had been a long time since he’d used the language his father had imparted to him as a boy. It came out a little haltingly and heavily accented, but clear and correct. Hakon seemed shocked to hear it.

“Noble blood, Hakon. Did you really think Fell Oxenfrey, son of the Jarl of Ostwick, was about to raise his eldest son without any Gentaverese? We had lessons every day, though I’m out of practice.”

He made a first pass with his razor, down the left side of Hakon’s throat in a delicate line. Carefully. No nicks.

“So question one. You got real weird before you kissed me yesterday. Like you put on a voice and sat differently. What was that about?”

He made another line down the throat, this time over the center. Care had to be taken around the Adam’s Apple. Ajax put a hand on Hakon’s cheek to keep him still.

“There. Almost done. Question two. Were you with any other men since me? I’m not asking cause I’m jealous - I’m not. I just want to know what your experience is. If it’s just what we did together or if there’s more. Last time was great, but we are going to top it. You’ll see. I need to know what I’m working with.”

With one more flick of his wrist, Ajax finished the throat, then leaned over Hakon and planted a kiss on his lips. That made it obvious he’d missed a spot and he laughed.

“Hold still, I forgot your mustache.”