Close Quarters Combat

[Hakon]

Talking to people about stuff like this was like taking hold of a tangled skein of yarn and starting to pull. When other people did this, they produced usable threads. When Hakon did it, he made knots and got asked not to come back to help the seamstresses any more. He hadn't expected it would matter to Ajax, the fact that he had never lain with anyone else. It mattered to him, of course, insomuch as it was embarrassing and probably had meant he hadn't known what to do with his tongue or how to move his hips, but he took some small amount of solace in the fact that he had been able to fool someone who had quite a lot of sex into thinking they were a matched set.

Then Ajax was crying, and Hakon wasn't quite sure why, but tears stung his eyes, as well.

"I'd... I'd like to forgive you, too," Hakon admitted. "I'm not sure I know how, but I'm not adept at these sorts of things. I hadn't thought I'd make you cry just now, for instance, and conversations of this nature make me realize how out of my depth I am with people. You have spent enough time with me now to know that I am not the most adroit when it comes to conversation. Beyond manners and customs, I don't really know what to say in most occasions when it's, you know, like this. Two people, talking about difficult matters with no clear goal or guide."

"It's easier to talk about tactics, plans, and aims, I think. Stuff like this is just so," he flexed his fingers as though trying to grasp hold of something, "so frustrating and slippery. Ephemeral, maybe."

He made a grunt of annoyance, stymied by his own lack of vocabulary.

"But, ah, yes. I'm rather known for holding grudges -- I remember slights long after the offending person has forgotten, just like I remember most everything else. It's hard to let go of it, for me, when someone's done something to hurt me, but... I believe you, lad. I believe that you panicked and that you were scared, and I believe that if we'd told one another what was on our minds, and in our hearts, perhaps things could have gone differently."

A morose smile quirked his lips up. "This is not my saying you would have grown to love me, Ajax, do not preoccupy yourself that I am so deluded as to think that was possible. I think it's safe to say we feel differently, and love differently, from one another. I don't think that your way is bad, though -- I just don't understand it, and I have no great insight into the human condition to guide me to any greater knowledge of it."

He was rambling, he realized.

He coughed into his hand, embarrassed.

"Anyway, thank you for helping me with my boots," his smile looked almost wistful. "Reminds me of a time a nice young man did that for me. Feels like a lifetime ago, but I remember it fondly."

[Andros]

There was hope. That cheered Ajax up, quite a bit. He wiped the tears from his eyes and marveled at the fact that Hakon was crying too. He didn’t think he’d ever see it. The man had real depths.

“I think I’m coming to understand why Pappa likes you so much. He and I are both talkers, we can’t shut up. You’re so earnest that even though you hate to talk, everything you say is totally genuine.” He laughed, his mood improving. “And since you don’t talk much he gets an audience. I’m sure he loves that.”

Ajax found it funny that they were finally having the conversation they should have started the second Hakon walked into his store, and it was brought on by the big mage’s lust for pinning down handsome young men. Still, it was essential, and as much as it was obviously painful for Hakon it had to continue.

“I’m going to win you over. You’re getting to know who I am now, and you’ve already upgraded me from loathsome criminal to reasonably good company. It means the world to me that we end this trip as real, honest to goodness friends - no grudges, no bitterness.”

He sat up and finally got to unlacing his second shoe and taking it off. Being a people person, Ajax found others fairly easy to read. He understood that Hakon was awkward to the point that it was disabling, that he struggled to express emotions, and that he still felt things very deeply. Understanding himself wasn’t always so easy, but some things we’re clicking into place.

“I think that’s more important to me than the sunderscrap, actually. To know you forgive me and respect me. And I’ll tell you why, too. When you saved me, it was just a day’s work for you. For me, it was the most pivotal moment in my life. I dream about it all the time. You made a bond with me, and nothing that happened since could break it. I think that’s why I agreed to come with you. It wasn’t clear to me until today.”

The two former lovers had gotten deep. There was only one more bandage to rip off. He puttered while he did it, so they wouldn’t have to make eye contact. He walked over to the tiny closet and unlocked it, pulling out their bags. He took out his scissors, razor, and basin and put them on the small table in the corner, then he dug around for some clean clothing for both of them.

“We wouldn’t have worked as a couple, and no amount of honest talk would have fixed that. Not then and not now. We’re too different. Friends - Hakon. That’s what we’re going to be. That’s why I haven’t tried to seduce you again.”

Then Ajax looked at Hakon and smirked. “I could, by the way, about as easily as you beat me at wrestling. I won’t because it wouldn’t be right, but I could. You need to relax though. You should rub one out. I’ll give you some privacy, but feel free to think of me.”

That last tease took the tension out of the room, at least for Ajax. Hakon looked like wanted to die even more than he had before, but Ajax just found it charming. He tossed the mage one of his enormous pairs of underwear and started for the door.

“Now, I need that hot bath. You wash up and come find me when you’re clean. Then shave, haircut, laundry, polish those boots, pack for tomorrow, dinner, songs. I think we’ll sleep well tonight.”

[Hakon]

It hadn't occurred to Hakon that there were people who liked to converse. He knew there were people who like to pontificate, or bloviate endlessly; the Tower had its share of snobby intellectuals who found the actual daily work in the tower tiresome but would talk until they were blue in the face about new theories in thaumaturgy. Hakon was rather the opposite: theory left him cold; he preferred application to theory and practica to books.

Ajax, though, was a performer. Seeing him sing for the inn the night before had cemented that for Hakon. This was a man who thrived on an audience, who liked being watched, and who liked to put on a show. It had made him suspicious before, because all he knew for sure about Ajax was that the man was perfectly capable of tricking him. But he believed the lad when he'd said he wanted to make this right.

"Ah, for the scrap -- I don't want you to keep it as it is, Ajax. If we get through these next few weeks, though, what I'd like to do is practice my hand at setting it. I've never done that before, but I'm supposed to be mastering the art of Sundering, so I figured perhaps I should know how to do more than just make the scraps. If I do my job right, it will do more to protect you, that way, and it will arouse less suspicion than your carrying around an unset stone."

He looked away. He felt awkward, like he'd just proposed to marry the boy. It was just for practice, he told himself, even though he knew that wasn't why he wanted to do it.

I could, by the way.

Hakon's cheeks burned at that simple assertion because he was rather sure Ajax was right. He was glad that the lad hadn't tried, or much of him was. He needed a clear head more than he needed self-gratification and release. He snorted and shook his head at Ajax, not denying that the lad had the right of it, but not giving him the satisfaction of admitting that he was correct, either.

He caught the underwear with one-handed without even really trying, and nodded.

"Good plan," he said, because it was.

He quit their small room shortly after Ajax, in search of a pail of water.